Before we delve into the nitty gritty of an unhealthy relationship, let’s closely examine what a healthy relationship looks like. The underpinnings of a stable and healthy relationship are marked by healthy communication that allows both partners to share all their experiences, thoughts, and feelings without fear of judgment, critique, or conflict. This is not to say that there is no place for judgment, critique, or conflict in a healthy relationship, however respectful communication allows for such things to be discussed in a way that is akin to growth and development rather than hurt feelings and distance between partners.
As a result, one of the biggest signs of an unhealthy relationship is the inability to be able to be genuine with your partner and not have a sense of emotional safety with them that would let you be openly vulnerable with and trusting of them. In this article, we will highlight and discuss other such signs that can help you detect the health of your relationships and assess the impact they have on your life and well-being.
Signs that you’re in an unhealthy relationship:
Lack of Communication
As mentioned earlier, a lack of communication can be the bedrock of an unhealthy relationship. In addition, if a lack of communication is coupled with a lack of honesty, relationships tend to take a difficult turn. Honest and open communication allows both partners to feel secure and understood in a relationship and it ensures a deep sense of trust that allows a couple’s bond to grow stronger with time. Poor communication can be spotted in patterns such as avoidance of certain topics, attempts at communicating one’s feelings to be met with conflict and argument, and a general feeling of being ignored in the relationship, among other things.
These patterns can be present on both ends, leading to a blame game when attempting to bridge the gap. In such cases, couple counselling can become a safe place to be able to communicate effectively and in the direction of repair and not despair. Counselling helps you learn ways to communicate that do not trigger arguments, but instead allow you to express your feelings without undermining your partners. It also focuses on understanding the impact of the relationship dynamics on both individuals and their well-being.
Control and Manipulation
Control and manipulation are tell-tale signs of an unbalanced or unhealthy relationship. These can stem from inequality in the relationship, making the relationship feel like a cage where one partner feels trapped and the other feels in control. Certain warning signs of control and manipulation in a relationship can be restricting the movement and interactions of one’s partner, invading privacy by checking devices or social media without consent, jealousy, and possessiveness indicative of a lack of trust and lying/hiding information or using guilt-trips to keep the partner in the relationship.
In a healthy relationship, instead of control and manipulation, there are healthy boundaries and compromises based on mutual respect and understanding that make both partners feel secure and cared for. Control and manipulation can also significantly impact the mental health of the individual being controlled and manipulated in the relationship. It is common for people to develop self-doubt, low confidence, anxiety, brain fog, and even loss of memory in some cases. It becomes very important to seek help from loved ones as well as online therapists who can help you navigate your relationship and manage your mental health as well.
Disrespect and Disregard for Boundaries
Closeness in a relationship can often be misconstrued as a lack of boundaries, which in the long run, can make relationships feel suffocating. Setting boundaries in relationships means respecting the personal space and preferences of one’s partner without demanding interference or making your partner feel guilty for needing their space. Some examples of a healthy boundary are not commenting on certain attributes of your partner’s life as they’ve made it clear it’s something that disturbs them or not pushing one’s partner into situations or circumstances they have made clear they are not comfortable in. Another important area of boundaries in relationships has to do with consent and intimacy.
Open conversation and a discussion about each other’s expectations and preferences allow for healthy boundaries that allow for safety and trust in the relationship. Sometimes, we may lack boundaries in a relationship, but our emotional attachment and love for each other keep us together, even when the relationship starts to hurt us. In such instances, couples therapy can become the soothing balm that takes the sting out of severing boundaries in a relationship that lacks them. The therapist can navigate intricate conversations about the couple’s innermost fears and feelings in a safe space, allowing for their bond to become stronger and more comfortable.
Physical Violence or Threats
While all couples tend to share a unique relationship where they can have their own ways of expressing their feelings, the presence of violence or threats in a relationship is a surefire sign of the relationship being unhealthy. Both physical violence and threats have been known to lead to adverse mental health outcomes for the victim. This not only threatens one’s safety but also leads to psychological trauma, which can have long-term outcomes for physical and mental health. Hitting, pushing, or threatening with physical harm during conflicts or as a means of exerting control are all ways in which partners can perpetuate violence in a relationship.
In cases where the couple may have children, this also gravely impacts the development and mental health of the children. Victims of domestic abuse tend to stay in unhealthy relationships for several oppressive reasons, such as lack of autonomy, fear of social ostracization, unhealthy attachment, or lack of social support. As a result, it becomes very important to ensure the physical, social, psychological, and legal safety of oneself and other members of the family when trying to leave a violent relationship. Psychologists and counsellors can coach victims through this difficult process and help them cope with the unhealthy dynamics of the relationship as well.
In conclusion, aspects such as lack of communication, control and manipulation, disrespect and disregard for boundaries, and physical violence and threats are important signs to look out for in a relationship. Beyond this, if the only things keeping you in a relationship are fears of loneliness, hurting your partner by ending the relationship, or societal reactions, such dynamics can be unhealthy as well and must be reflected upon.
One thing common among all these concerns is that they all require the support and guidance of experts and professionals who are trained to help you navigate your relationship. As human beings, forming deep and meaningful relationships is one of our greater purposes, and romantic relationships are a wonderful opportunity to do so. Therefore, ensure that you do justice to yourself by creating a healthy and happy relationship with your partner.
